Abbrev. Movie Reviews

Shit Not To Pull At The Redbox


Here’s a tough hypothetical - you pull up to an outdoor Redbox on a 10 degree night.  Someone is shivering at the kiosk, scanning options.  Two people wait for their turn at the Redbox from inside the warmth of their idling vehicles. If you get out of your car, does your willingness to bear the cold give you the right to cut in line? I think so, but maybe it make more sense to think of it this way: if you park your shopping cart near the grocery store checkout then run to the toiletry aisle to grab some toothpaste, are you still in line?  AW HELLS NO.  So that answers that question - here are three more pieces of Redbox Etiquette. 

1. You’ve got 5. Let’s face it: 75% of what’s available at Redbox is shit.  If you don’t see anything you like in under five minutes, get lost. Most everything after the first couple menu pages is straight-to-DVD horror anyway. 

2. Feed the beast. If someone is returning a disc, let them step in and put it back. It could be the one movie you actually wanted to see, and they shouldn’t have to wait around just to drop something off. And if you’re the one queueing up, don’t be afraid to announce your intent to return and skidaddle. 

3. DO NOT ASK FOR RECOMMENDATIONS FROM OTHER REDBOXERS. Nor should you offer them.  You know nothing about these people and their tastes. Do you ask strangers for recommendations about who to vote for before you walk into the booth on Election Day? Do you shout out your favorite foods at the grocery store? If you can’t tell by the ALL CAPS, I’ve had some bad experiences socializing at the R-Box before (yup, I went there) and don’t suggest trying it yourself. 

On the advice side, here’s a few more tips:  

1. Film, then food.  Find your movie before you go buy candy, soda, liquor, what-have-you. It would be a shame to wind up with all that good junk food and no excuse to eat it. 

2. Hit play. Don’t rent a movie you don’t plan on watching that night.  That’s how you end up paying 20 dollars for something you never see.  

3. Location, Location, Location. If you’re reserving a movie online, good for you.  Way to be a smart consumer.  Now TRIPLECHECK that you’re reserving your movies from the right Redbox.  Because if you muck that up, it negates the whole ‘smart consumer’ thing.

  1. abbrevmoviereviews posted this